A simple request to write more articles on different levels of Love has prompted a hefty dose of realism as I recall how my once loving self had morphed into, as a friend deemed, a “wounded angel.” What would make one more likely to shelter ones own heart, hesitate to connect with others and live life with anything less than wild abandon?… My first thought says “pain!” As I feel beyond the easy answer of “pain” there’s more… resentment of the people that caused me pain, feelings of abandonment, feeling that I don’t belong in this harsh world, etc. A while of feeling the feelings behind the pain to uncover their deeper meaning might land you in what feels like a life crisis; questioning your path and interactions in a hotel room alone as means of escapism the night before your birthday… I digress. What lay beneath the discomfort of such self inquiry for me was FEAR.
I can honestly say as a sensitive soul there isn’t much on the planet that I haven’t been afraid of…. dogs, unkindness, medical conditions, the dark, etc. As we have all experienced fear you’re aware of the feelings of anxiety, dread, horror and disassociation it can cause. These effects are multifaceted. Not only on a physical level does your chemistry and cellular functioning change, your energetic body can become torn, separated and ferocious. You lose contact with your true essence and the beauty of life all around you as you build wall around what you’re afraid of losing. Fear is a reaction, and like all reactions it’s a conditioned choice. I know for myself my fear felt out of my control but as a conditioned chemical reaction and energetic configuration my body was quite literally on autopilot. Trying to re-condition ones self may take help… supplements, shaman, counseling, etc. See what combinations of assistance work best for you. For me however the shift didn’t happen until I realized that my own fears have hurt me more than anyone or anything ever could!!! The saying “the only thing to fear is fear itself” took on a whole new meaning as I correlated it to the physical and energetic body. Though it’s complicated to explain the chemical reactions; the fear of loss, abandonment and pain destroy ones body as a poison (whether what you fear has happened or not). This is where energetics come in… distress in your energetic field is involved in both the causality and reaction to your physical body. My energetic imbalances increased my experiences of rejection, bombardment and rawness and thus triggered my cellular body to react and create more to build energetic walls against.
With the renewed understanding that I was creating more harm to myself and resistance to healing, an opening to the idea that without fear there is beauty in everything (even seemingly ugly painful things) became palpable. My whole being relaxed into an acceptance and appreciation for what IS. All became lighter and awestrickingly beautiful as my energy body (thus physical body) began to heal itself, one intentional breath at a time. I began to forgive and appreciate with compassion all the interactions and situations it’s taken to bring me to this point of harmony. The souls I’ve worked through this with (both aggravating and alleviating) became my heroes of patience. Karma felt less like an eternal prison sentence and more like an angelic nurturing love cycle.
From someone who was afraid of everything… know there is freedom, and its healing is multidimensional. It comes from a choice of forgiveness and appreciation and a willingness to be part of this nurturing love cycle we call life.