Like most people mirrors have prompted self-judgement and subsequent self-talk throughout my life. In 37 years of looking at myself I’ve never felt like I was looking at an embodiment of my soul. Alarm, disgust, curiosity and occasional delight met my gaze time and time again.
Even when complementing myself I will be honest and say that 99% of my self-complements were followed by ‘If I look so great, then why am I still alone?’ or ‘I look good at this moment, but change the angle or take the make-up off and the illusion of attraction is gone’ even guilt for not appreciating what I look like now vs. what I will be staring at when I’m 80. Point: I’ve been successfully beating myself up in my better and worst moments for as long as I can remember.
I learned about mirror work decades ago and have tried and taught it since. I’ve dabbled in kundalini breath work, aura gazing, saying “I love you’s,” gazing naked, etc. All of techniques are AMAZING! They get you in touch with the soul that inhabits your existence, helps you identify the areas of resistance to fully accepting yourself and changes the energy with which you flow. However, who was the last person I wanted to look at? This gal!
Knowing my resistance to feeling the flow of love for myself I tried something different today… 1) I put on a clay mask to cover my face and dry while I gazed and 2) put on music that pulls heart strings yet enlivens my soul (Cannon in D -gets me every time). Some would call this multitasking soul work but I like to call it pulling out the arsenal of tools to annihilate self-loathing commando style -namaste bitches!
Clay masks are funny in that they even the playing field. No one looks good with crusty goop on their face, and after so long you start to look like a mix between a skeleton and an alien. This is where the beauty starts. Something about looking hideous brings you back to the source of it all. The light in you meets vulnerable physical representation of your experience (aka your body). Masters have asked deep questions like “who are you without identifying with your body?” and that’s an important inquiry to delve into…. but I’m here beyond that journey to say “I don’t care who you are or where you’ve been, I’m here to love you.”
Letting tears well up and subside, trickle down and dry up. I see these eyes gazing back at me that hint to the light of my soul. The masculine and feminine within me begin dance to the tones that free my spirit IN TO this form. My body transforms from something to understand and toughen up to something to LIVE THROUGH as the dance of light within me expands into the freedom of being.
Freedom to love the one who is soft, the one that is hard, the one that is disappointed, the one that makes poor choices, the one that can love everything except itself, the one that sought the answers from a mirror that it was not ready to give and the one that is ready now.
37 years and 4 repetitions of Cannon in D later I can honestly say that (for me) mirror work is most powerful self-love practice. So tomorrow and the next day I will show up and know that the one I look at is not the enemy but a beloved to both embrace and smack on the ass and say ‘let’s do this’ 😀